Surrender my control. Surrender your soul. Turn this black hole. Destroy all these pieces as a hole. Take out my heart with a fishing pole.
This deserves a drum roll. Resister and enrolls. This heart is full of bullet holes
Don’t leave me this vulnerable.


We’re all looking for something to make sense; We’re looking for answers.
We’re looking for something.
Some of you are looking for love; Some question whether love is real
Some just want some ass; Some of us just want to have fun
Some of us just don’t know what we want.
(idk what I want so don’t ask me cause I’m still trying to figure it out; taylorswift)
Show me what I’m looking for (Carolinaliar)

Cannonball. Cold Water. 9 Crimes
by Damien Rice
Makes me cry.

Love?

What is love?

I’m questioning existence.

Explain it to me.

I don’t know if I believe in love. I think I find that easier to type then say because they don’t understand. Love. Love is too complicated. It’s too complicated to be put down in writing like this. These are just words. Lines and curves deciphered as letters, words, sentences. But what does it mean? Love is not a word. Stop using it as a word. I. Love. You. I love you is bullshit. Words don’t mean anything. Words are lies. I could say anything in this, what does it mean? What is it’s feeling? Words don’t have feeling. Words are cold; they are black and white, sharp piercing and cold. And dictionaries can’t always define. You think words can describe love? Well you’re wrong. I don’t think I know what love is but I don’t think I could ever tell you what it is. It’s a personal interpretation. Not pretty little words. Love in the form of a word is cliché. I hate clichés. I mean how do you even know what it is? Children are taught to love their families and parents since they were born. Since we can all remember. Do you have to be told you’re loved? Do you have to be taught love? Think about it. Is love not being able to live without a person? If you love you’re parents but they pass on. They die. You live. Does that mean you didn’t love them? You adapt. You learn to move on and accept things. Human beings are very adapting to their environment. Not like a camelien or reptile, it’s not easy. It’s never simple. But if you move on, how do you ever know what love is or was? This isn’t coming out right. Uuuuuuuuggggh. “love is a hoax so forget anything that you’ve ever heard” (the tide; the spill canvas) this is coming out all wrong. What I’m saying is I don’t know what it is, so can I believe in it? I don’t believe in it. We all adapt to where ever we are with whoever were with. We can “learn” to love again. And see, I don’t believe you can love more then one. You care about people, love didn’t assets. You CANT love multiple people because if you did would you cheat on them for the other? No. you see, there is something going on inside and if you can’t pick one person. It’s because you don’t “love” any one of them. Love is unconditional no matter what that person does it doesn’t mean you can stop loving them and love another more. What the hell. Love does not make sense. But then again I don’t think it’s supposed to. Love doesn’t have rules but it doesn’t mean you can use love as an excuse. Love doesn’t have fucking excuses. And you can’t use it as an excuse. People abuse love, use it as their reasoning but that’s just it! Love is perfectly imperfect. It’s both at the same time. Love is not suppose to be “wrong.” It isn’t. It could never be but then again it doesn’t mean all smiles and rainbows. It means strength and heart and sometimes tears. I guess it means an always forgiving blame. A passionate obsession. Not to be confused with lust. It’s a completely didn’t ache for not a persons body but for their soul. For their mind and thoughts. For the terrible and the repulsive times. For the vilely most ideal moments. It’s about never being vulnerable again. It’s about infident shelter and comfort. Love is tears of bliss. I guess, maybe it’s an authentic actor. It’s real and fake, it’s evermore. I just figured something out. Love is everything. And that doesn’t describe its significance. Look up every word in the dictionary and I guess you’d find the definition. It’s nothing. It’s absolutely infident, Including nothing. So don’t underestimate it but just do me a favor. Stop mocking it. Love is not a joke. But then again it is. It is every letter, word, sentence written. Do not underestimate the power of EVERYTHING. Everything is everything. It is the despair of my loneliness and it’s a crowd full of people. It does not exist, it is not real. Because it is everything. The good and bad of everything. It’s all sides of a polygon. This doesn’t sound right. Love is not everything. Everything is overused. It is wrong. Words. Words are wrong. I can’t show you. The way I feel. So for now, I’ll say this. Love does not exist; do not listen to a word that they say. but remember what I told you before.. the good and the bad. Everything. No matter what I am telling you. It must be true. I make myself confused. Everything is powerful. Stop overestimating and cheat IT. Stop using IT as an excuse. Stop saying IT. IT isn’t true. IT is a lie. IT is not a word. IT is beyond feelings, IT is numb. Love, I do not believe in love.

I’m drowning in my thoughts; Drowning.
“Save me cause I could never float. Sinking” (save by the rocket summer)